Confession time

20 Jul

I have just spent 10 days with my family – 10 wonderful, sunny days with people who I share varying degrees of DNA with. Wonderful to see the never-ending curiosity and outbursts of uncontrolled emotions (good and bad) from my 4 year old nephew and very humbling to see my 93 year old great aunt preparing her move into a retirement home in 2015 with an admirable sense of acceptance and matter-of-factness. What an array of human experiences and emotions. And there is me right in the middle of everything, soaking it all up like a sponge. I can not help it: I can not shield myself from emotions that are around me, I can not help but become part of the non-verbal and verbal atmosphere that I am in. But I am extra sensitive to the subject of “The Human” right now as I am literally inhaling books about psychology, psychotherapy and philosophy and I am reconfirming every day my inkling that there is nothing more wonderful than the human being.

In 31 days, I will start my 2 year training as Psychotherapeutic Counsellor, and for my preparation I have been given a number of books by a “Psycho Friend” (he is a Psychological Psychotherapist, not Hannibal Lecter). My brain is working in absolute overdrive mode at the moment. I am so excited about starting this course, about starting the journey where I can dedicate all my energies to helping people deal with themselves and with the world they live in. My body is literally tingling thinking about the practice that I will hopefully have in a few years’ time, where I can offer people a safe haven, a place and space to think and express themselves without the fear of being judged or cut short. Enabling others to be truly honest with themselves, to face their demons, to speak out loud all the words that have built up over the years, to give way to fears, frustrations, hopes and dreams and to give people courage, strength and the ability to love themselves and others – that is what I am hoping to do.

(To all my colleagues: For now, I also still want to keep working in a business context and develop my own management & leadership skills. There is still a lot to do. But in the long-term, I can definitely see myself as a consultant working with businesses from the outset, not as part of the operational structure anymore, working with decision makers on making their companies better places.)

I am in this blissful and naive stage where all this is a picture-perfect image in my head. I am aware of some of the common, simple, complex, boring and mundane quarrels of actually working as a Psychotherapist. But every job has its price and I am more than willing to pay it, as it feels much more than just a job. I have never really had a job where I could say I AM this or that… for some reason I always chose to say that I work FOR… or I DO this… but identifying myself with my job title has never really worked, but this time, I really want to BE this person, this guide, this critical but friendly companion that helps others being better at being themselves.

I am also yet to find the direction I will specialise in: Psychoanalysis, Behavioural Therapy… whether I want to work in Group or Individual settings, maybe both. Right now, I am simply fascinated by all the options and I am cherishing every moment of thinking that the world of therapy is still my oyster – as I know there will be a time when reality will bring me back to earth, where I will have to face my own fears and limitations, where I might even think that this was the worst idea I ever had. But I want to push this moment as far into the future as I possibly can.

Maybe I will become an icon in the field of Self-Therapy – I mean, this is what I am doing with this blog, right?! Giving myself an open and (almost completely) honest space to think, reflect and find words for ‘this stuff that’s in my head and heart’. I am my own patient and therapist whenever I log onto my WordPress Account. And I can honestly say that this incredibly indulgent and self-centric exercise does wonders. It calms the inner noise, it helps vent frustrations, it opens up spaces I didn’t even know existed. It’s like my virtual therapy couch. With an audience. How to Fab might one day become a ‘site of general psychological interest’  – Freud had to start somewhere, right?!

Now then, what is this ridiculous reoccurring tendency for narcissism telling us….?

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