Happy first blogday to me!

8 May

It’s May. It’s 2012. That means I have been in the blogging business for 1 year. The moment I thought about starting a blog was exactly 1 year ago during a run through Heaton Park on a lovely warm evening. I came back and within 1 hour I was all set up and ready to push PUBLISH (thanks to my lovely flatmate who assured me I probably wouldn’t have to face any legal claims) . I have really enjoyed this year blog-wise and What A Year It Has Been! Live-covering my very own Life Events has not only been great fun, but also absolutely necessary for Mental Health & Safety. There is not a chance in hell I would have been able to predict what 2012 had in store for me and looking back at everything now is actually quite exhausting. Of course there were a number of developments and occurrences that I wasn’t able to report on at the time, and still can’t, but overall it was great to be able to get certain things off my chest, through my finger tips, as it gave me perspective, time and space to think and reflect and every now and then I seem to have said something useful for other people. So, thank you for all the kind words of support throughout this undeniably self-centric process.

Looking back at my first blog actually makes me smile. So much was new then, which now is so old. Sooo 2011! The informed reader will know that the word NEW was lifted to a new level in the past 6 months – oh, how little did I know back then?! – and that I am actually starting to get real sick of ‘new’. Now it’s about ‘Old’. What has left the biggest impression on me recently were encounters with my old self, through simply being in Germany again, through reading old things I used to write, through spending just enough time on my own to go slightly mental (like I have done many, many times before) and through spending time with my family and old friends. I am actually just about, well in a month’s time, to visit Newcastle. ‘Visit’, not as in ‘coming back home’. I am really looking forward to it, but I am also quite scared. There is a good chance I will simply sob for the entire 40 hours I will be there. There is a good chance I w0n’t leave without at least a medium size heart break. I thought 6 months would be a good time, but right now I am feeling quite fragile and knowing Newcastle and its unpredictable temperament, anything is possible.

Fragile? Yes, fragile. As I am settling into the new übercool lifestyle that is Berlin, I am alo realising the stark reality of not having enough friends around me to counter balance a life dominated by work. The problem is not the job, but the lack of balance with other things which is starting to grind on me. I am even contemplating returning from my 12 year old Volleyball retirement. I must be mad. Especially since gravity found me on my 25th birthday and what was an easy jump 12 years ago is now a major physical challenge that will most likely end in tears (for me) and laughter (for everybody else). One thing that has crept up inside my head, and I am sure it’s a result of the amount of traveling I have recently done and a particular strange encounter with an air hostess, is the need for something deeper, more substantial than say, Cocktails or Beyonce lyrics. I am in the middle of reading various books and materials on Philosophy, Ayurveda and Buddhism. And I am thinking about spending my recently acquired flight voucher on a retreat somewhere nice. Possibly a little bit spiritual even.

Where 8 My 2011 was all about the buzz, the unknown, energy & change, 8 May 2012 is about mental and physical grounding, need for stability and substance. I won’t go as far as ‘meaning’ or ‘purpose’ of life – I am seriously not clever enough to understand any of that and I have no desire of building a church around me….Although, Church of Fabbism… and you could all go down in history as the Fabsters. Wouldn’t that be neat? No, it wouldn’t. Shut up and go to work now! Ok…..

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2 Responses to “Happy first blogday to me!”

  1. lijiun May 8, 2012 at 1:13 pm #

    Happy Anniversary! Cheers!

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