There really is no point to this post

5 Mar

I have no idea where this blog post is going. Absolutely no idea. I guess it will ultimately be about the past few weeks, but clarity is one thing I don’t have in my head right now, so bear with me, this is going to be a messy one.

One thing is for sure: Moving country and changing job is extremely exhausting. Apparently this is week 10 in Berlin. I have lost any sense for time and place. Have moved 3 times and been to 4 countries (with different currencies) in 7 weeks, including a trip to New York, where I spoke at a huge conference, which was great fun and one of the most knackering weeks in my life. I didn’t want it any other way but boy the words ‘social’ and ‘life’ don’t come often together at the moment.

I was sooo tempted to actually write a post from NY, doing a Carrie Bradshaw, sitting next to the window, overseeing the neighbourhood (I was of course staying in Soho), twisting my imaginary curls “You know, I can’t help but wondering….” but I was too busy running around at that conference and wrecking my credit card. Who knew that Bloomingdales is a good place to shop?!

Moving is EXPENSIVE! Which really doesn’t go well with trips to Bloomingdales. I had no idea you can spend so much money at IKEA and not become an official shareholder. I was so smug to come over here with some savings. 10 weeks later – all gone. If anybody is thinking about moving to Berlin, which you totally should, be prepared to pay a four-figure sum for a flat deposit and the same again for agency fees. Yes. Exactly. And don’t get me started on Health Insurance. It makes you sick. And sorting out a new life TAKES AGES and A LOT OF ENERGY! My daily personal To Do list has been quite substantial recently and god knows where I got the energy from to run from one official office to the next. Also, it’s not like opening times are meant to make it easy for you in Germany.

But being in Germany is cool. And being in Berlin is totally like super cool. Rediscovering your home country is fun – and a bit odd sometimes. So much has changed and so much is simply different because it’s Berlin. The other day on the tram I overheard a young mum explaining to her 4 yr old daughter the principles of democracy and the benefits of social securities (having just driven past some pissed punks). The girl sometimes interrupted ‘Look mum, there is a rabbit!‘ but in the end likened the example of voting for a new government to a story she had recently heard in nursery. The story involved a princess, a bear and a cat (I MUST read that story!) but her comparison was in principle absolutely spot on. And she had clearly heard her mum teach her about things like that before as she went at some point ‘This is also why protesting is sometimes good, right mummy?!‘. FOUR YEARS OLD.

There is still a huge amount of stuff that confuses me to no end: I have no idea how to do my food shopping. After 6 years of Sainsburys, there is not a single supermarket here that does the same job. And of course, nothing is open on a Sunday. Also lunch is a huge problem. Not eating wheat is not really that cool here. There are some evil ass bakeries on every corner that test my incredibly weak willpower every bloody day.

Also, I know I’ve said it many times before but, Family is Great. I seriously have no idea how I would have managed without them during the past 3 months. Dad came to drive me to Germany, Brother drove me to Berlin and Mum spent the last week on her knees, wrecking her fingernails with ‘yet another frigging IKEA thing’. Call me spoilt (and I know I am), but this journey would have been extremely hard and shit without them.

So yeah, turns out it’s March now. I still don’t have fully arrived yet (when I got off the plane the other day, I actually couldn’t remember for a few seconds where I was living) and there are still some unpacked boxes. Actually, one of them contains my first published newspaper articles, old theatre plays I wrote when I was 11 and my love letters from when I was 15. I had no idea they still existed, but mum had kept them and I discovered them one night at 1am (in the middle of packing for NY, with a taxi booked for 4am. Great timing). Of course I had to read some of them and of course they made me cry. I had no idea they still existed and the sensation of being pulled back to something very familiar 15 years ago while the present was feeling so new and unreal was overwhelming and very confusing. I have not opened that box again since then as I feel I need to put a whole weekend aside for that.

I should probably stop writing and do some more work. Which I know will be pointless as I can barely keep my eyes open, and I have no idea why I felt like writing a blog post tonight was a sensible idea but it’s been a while and distraction always tastes sweeter when you actually have no time at all. But being a person who finds it hard to give herself a break, I can not rest until I have at least read all emails in my inbox. And there are some. Bye now.


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