It’s got to be-e-e-e-e-e-e perfect

25 Sep

I honestly very nearly just looked up Richard Branson’s address to go and strangle him. I was very nearly finished with this blog post when my internet cut out (Virgin, hence the rage towards RB) and I thought I had lost it all. For those wondering, the way I write is completely unedited and whatever words want to come out of my head, usually end up on screen. Which is why it’s sometimes a bit random and pretty much always impossible to recreate. Which is why I panicked. But it’s all fine now. Crisis averted thanks to the left arrow button in the top left corner of my screen. Thanks to whomever at Google Chrome for putting it there!

This blog post is very much linked to the last one and it’s essentially a big whinge. Just as a warning, in case you might want to stop reading now and do something more useful with your time.

Anyhoo….What a weekend. After having spent the past couple of days with some of the finest people in the world, I have also just experienced the first of probably many meltdowns and doubt-storms about this whole leaving thing – don’t worry, I am fine! It came very quickly and it’s gone now. But it was a bit of an eye-opener. The past couple of months were a bit strange really and this little ‘episode’ shall we say reminded me that the next few won’t be any easier. When I wrote about the ‘Great Unknown’ a few weeks ago, that was the moment when I handed in my notice at work without having any idea what would be next. All I knew at that point was that I needed a professional change. Then came a few weeks of over-the-top ‘I can go ANYWHERE’ excitement which saw me applying for jobs in the most random countries, like Dubai and Belgium. Logic being: ‘Foreign Country? I am Foreign! Let’s do this!’ Then came the realisation that in all likelihood that wasn’t gonna work out. At that point came my little trip back home to Germany which was ridiculously amazing and which ultimately was the tipping point for making the decision to move there for Christmas – no matter what. So that’s the story until now.

I have recently discovered that whenever I have a challenging situation coming up, I tend to imagine it over and over again, until it’s brilliant and I make myself belief that that is the only possible outcome. Usually works a treat and takes away a lot of the fear. Problem being with my current situation is that I still don’t know what’s actually going to happen, so I am finding it hard to imagine my life post Christmas. But my brain wants to pre-create those images so I can rehearse my responses to them. Until I’ve got the job situation sorted, I’ve got not much to focus on unfortunately. The logistical challenge of my move isn’t really big enough to keep my head busy – all I have to do is cancel a few contracts and start packing. I have already spoken to my dad about coming to pick me up in his campervan (haha, yes really! Legend!) – which means, it’s the emotional challenge that my brain has just started to cotton on to. Without sounding like a complete idiot, but my friends here mean the world to me. I mean, I’ve seen them get drunk, get together, have kids, get married (not all in the same night obviously) and all that stuff. They are such a massive part of my life and I can not comprehend day to day life without them. But my dear brain has just decided to paint the picture and to take me through the emotional exercise of what it’s gonna be like saying goodbye to them all. Seriously brain?! NO NEED. (Tissue moment). But me being stubbornly reluctant to accepting bad energy, and being the ever so practical German, I’ve decided that the only way to get through these next 2 andsome months is by referring to Fairgound Attraction (honestly, they were never gonna have a second hit with that name!) in choosing my new, and in no way cheesy, mantra for my future:

It’s got to be perfect – It’s got to be worth be – Too many people take second best, but I won’t take anything less! 

Or in my own words: There is no way I am leaving all this for something that’s not absolutely ideal in every single way. Whatever comes next simply has to be the shizzle. That obviously includes meeting the man of my dreams who happens to own an airline (Is there a handsome Richard Branson in Germany? If so, call me!) so I can keep flying myself and my friends back and forth at any time. So that’s going to be my focus from now on. Creating the shizzle. Has to be. Because even if I was to ask anybody whether or not I am making the biggest mistake of my life by moving away, I imagine everybody would probably tell me to go. Nobody has come out of the woodworks declaring their everlasting love for me so far or made me a job offer that I simply cannot refuse – so I presume I am making the right decision but I am just a little bit scared right now.

Another way of dealing with the emotional trauma is of course by spending so much time with my friends that we are utterly sick of each other by December and that leaving the country will be a welcome relief for everybody. Not a bad idea actually…So then guys, expect many many, many, many phone calls.


2 Responses to “It’s got to be-e-e-e-e-e-e perfect”

  1. Beth September 25, 2011 at 10:01 pm #

    Crikey Fabs, you’ve brought a tear to my eye… Lovely to see you earlier x x

    • fabienneriener September 25, 2011 at 10:03 pm #

      Lovely to see you too, you bloody friend you! 🙂 xx

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