The Great Unknown

26 Jul

Isn’t it funny how much energy we spend on making big plans and everyday arrangements – on getting our life in order and making sure everything is ‘in hand’. It’s cute, right?! If anybody would have told me in July 2010 where I would find myself 12 months later, I would have stared at them in utter disbelief. This time last year I knew where I was going. KNEW it. What I didn’t know about was ‘life’s exquisite sense of humour’: Just when you think everything is sorted and you know where you are heading, life looks at you, stops for a second, tilts its head and then throws a full-blown punch right in your face. I see it happening around me all the time. I have had my fair share of those moments in the past year and they have been humbling, traumatic and exhilarating. Not at the same time, but in equal measures.

What they have certainly taught me was an appreciation of the Great Unknown. To embrace the fact that no matter how hard you try, there is only ever so much control you can possibly have. That is not to say that all plans are for fools. I like a good plan myself, but it seems that when it comes to the really big decisions in our lives (Family / Love / Jobs / Desserts), the amount of stuff we really know is a lot less than what we don’t know. And that’s why these decisions are scary and can not be rushed sometimes. (Although, the decision often presents itself in a split-second kind of scenario. You see your partner every day for years but it’s the half second in between two words that makes you realise you want to marry them – or leave them.) Uncertainty, I think, is also half the reason we make any kind of life-changing decision at all. Because we don’t know what’s going to happen and whether there will be a Happy Ending, but we are desperate to find out. And the only way to find out is by saying YES or NO to the matter in question and take a somewhat blindfolded plunge.

I am about to take one of those plunges. Quite a big one actually (for me anyway) and I can’t say that I can see much beyond the decision itself. I have spent enough time staring at the open gap in front of me pondering, panicking and philosophysing to know/ guess/ hope that I am doing the right thing. My gut, heart, head and a few entrusted friends all seem to agree, which makes me confident enough to be half-certain that I might not be making the biggest mistake of my life. But I am also fully aware of the blindfolds I am wearing and you know what, that’s the exciting bit! Not knowing is actually quite sexy. I am saying that now – too much uncertainty usually drives me completely mad and there is a very good chance that I will be writing about my declining sanity in the very near future.

I hope I have made this just about cryptic enough. Is she getting married / a tummy tuck / a pair of Laboutins / a second piano? Actually no, none of these. Although under certain circumstances I would probably say yes to all.

Will be interesting to see what my future self will think when she looks back at this moment in 12 months time…

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3 Responses to “The Great Unknown”

  1. Catherine Brady) August 8, 2011 at 8:57 pm #

    like your style, (writing) and your personal flair!! Here’s to uncertainty and to your leap of faith x

  2. fabienneriener August 8, 2011 at 9:10 pm #

    Thanks Cathy! Yep, cheers to that! x

  3. Lynds Anderson August 10, 2011 at 6:46 am #

    Ah the Great Unknown – life’s way of ensuring that you’re always walking on pebbles rather than hard ground! I do hope your future has many pairs of Louboutin shoes in it xx

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