The Space in Between

19 Jun

I have not been writing for a while, because quite frankly I have not had anything to write about. The past few weeks have been a bit of a blank episode during which I saw quite a few surprised faces when the answer to the question “What’s new!?” was “Erm, nothing.”

Between December and May, I have had so much change and so much to do that I sometimes completely lost track of weeks passing by. All this culminated in a fantastic birthday weekend which also marked the official (but unannounced) beginning of the ‘Space in Between’. Until my 30th birthday in May I have always had something to do and to look forward to and suddenly pretty much everything on my ‘To Do List’ was crossed off and all that was left was a very stale feeling of nothingness and boredom. And without turning this into a sob-story, but I fell pretty hard. All this time I had been too busy keeping myself busy with all this ‘change stuff’ that I didn’t really plan for the inevitable period when normality would kick in or when I would really have to make an effort to create a bit of buzz. Not that it’s always possible to plan for that (as you don’t always know when it will happen), but I should have known that this exciting period wouldn’t last forever.

I guess I have become addicted to the buzz / excitement / anticipation and when I suddenly had no answer to the ‘What’s next’ question and experienced a few let-downs, I started to feel stagnated, then started to panic, got very sad and did all the things I should not have done: Desperately tried to find something to change and only stumbled across things that are outside my control; Obsessed over Facebook and Twitter watching people have fun and hoping for people to get in touch – bad idea; Spent days watching really awful stuff on TV; Ate lots of unhealthy food ‘coz I bloody want to’ and although I so convincingly wrote about reaching out to your friends when you need them – didn’t let anybody know. I was basically being a stupid 12-year-old.

I have since come out of this pseudo-dramatic phase and I am feeling a bit silly about all this. I actually can’t believe that this stupid 12-year-old is still there! I have absolutely nothing to complain about and not knowing what the next 6 months, or 2 years, will hold in store for me is again an exciting prospect – but it’s up to me to create momentum and make it exciting (because it can be great) or frightening (because it might be terrible). There are still 2 things in my life that I’d like to change  (yes, I will keep you guessing) and I can’t deny that I am still hooked on the feeling of surprise. At the moment, the idea that by Christmas NOTHING will have changed is a terrifying thought, but this is very unlikely, as something will change – even if I need to make it happen. And I can if I put my mind to it.

So for now, I remain ‘In Between’ but I promise myself not to fret about it and not to overdose on Haribo, Wine, Friends (the series, not the actual ones), Rom-Coms and Social Media.

Oh, by the way, Malaga was fantastic but I didn’t come across any sexy Scandinavians! I did say a few words in Italian but purely accidentally, whilst trying to speak Spanish!


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